Interview on the OC Talk Radio - The Coaching Perspective, “Creating A Community for Newly Single Wo
“Creating A Community for Newly Single Women” with Joy Casillas, Founder and CEO
Paul: It's time again for the one show that takes a look at a business from a different perspective, the coaching perspective with master certified business coach Doug Gfeller. Hey Doug!
Doug: Hey Paul! Glad to be with you here in the studio and with our wonderful guest. Well, look, I'm a master certified coach by the International Coach Federation, and I've been coaching leaders and their teams, for I think, it is 21 years, now, helping them to clarify their objectives and reach their goals. And if you would like to know more about my coaching services, just go to the website TheCoachingPerspective.com
Doug: Well, let's get right into it, our guest for today is Joy Casillas. Joy is a single, working mom, turned author, life coach, and entrepreneur. After living the single mom lifestyle for ten years, she's learned through the ups and downs what she wishes, she'd known earlier; we've all been through that. She's passionate about sharing this knowledge with other women who now find themselves in a drastically different world and with a dating scene, alien to what they remember from their past. Her mission is to empower newly single women by to live big, satisfying lives by providing the information they need to stay happy, healthy and safe as they emerge into this new single world. With this goal, she's also founded NewlySingleWomenCommunity.com, and we'll give you that address again, a place for women to access the information, resources, and support they need anytime from anywhere. Welcome to the Coaching Perspective Radio Show, Joy.
Joy: Thank you so much, Doug. It's great to be here.
Doug: Well it's exciting to have you here. Joy and I met about six months ago at an International Coach Federation chapter meeting, and I said, hey you should be on the radio show, and of course she said no, no, I'm just getting started and I've been pushing her along the way and she's been running fast and here you are today.
Joy: Absolutely, thank you so much. It was very exciting to be invited to come on the show, and you're right, initially I was like, oh my gosh, I don't know how I would, how I would be on the show but I'm very excited and to your point it has pushed me to really speed up my process of getting the word out and building out websites, and creating this community for women and I'm so happy that you offered this up because it really did speed up the process and I'm excited to provide that to women,
Doug: Well, you know I share a trick with you, I was in the building business many years ago, and you know, if you've been out to look at new homes they always have a model complex and do you know why they have a model complex? The reason they have it is, if they didn't have a model complex in a grand opening, it would never get ready to open. You have to have a deadline, and I think I was fortunate to be able to provide somewhat of a deadline for you. Well, look, tell us a little bit about yourself, what did you do before what you're doing now.
Joy: Right, so as you mentioned, I mean, I've been a single mom for over 10 years, I am a marketing services sales rep in a full-time capacity, so that has been the job that I've had and I've worked from home with kids and traveled for client meetings and things like that. It's been a really great job, and I'm happy to have been able to have some flexibility while my kids grew up. When I first got divorced, they were both five and six, and now they're 17, and in two weeks my youngest will be 16, so they're 15 months apart, but they're getting older, and it's afforded me a little bit of time to take back to myself and really start to focus on what's important to me and this all happened, as it does in life, right, everything happens for a reason and it came together very quickly and I'm just really thrilled to be able to have the Newly Single Woman Community website up as you mentioned, the whole mission is to really share with women what that experience of being single is when you'e been in a relationship for years, I had been with my ex-husband for 20 years. Came out of that marriage and really was overwhelmed with everything that I really didn't know or I was very, I felt I was very naive and there were things that I had to learn and society was different, dating was different, you know, the whole invention of cell phones and social media had become very, very big, online dating was very big, so the whole social scene was different and coming out of a long-term relationship like that, you also have breakdown of relationships outside of that, so friendships and couples that you've hung out with for years, you know a lot of that changes and so you're left with this place, that you're trying to build out a new community, a new life, learn everything, still have your job and support your children, if you have them, so there's a lot to cover, and this, my mission really is to help those women, to supply resources, information, support and build a community for women to go to, to really make that a smoother process than it was for me. I don't want them to be in situations where they're in any capacity not protecting themselves. Whether that be their own self and their own body or their home, their children, their finances. There's so much to really think about, and I just want to make sure that that's out there for them,
Doug: Okay, well you know and we were talking before the show started, him and we had a title for today's show and we got through it out and we're still searching for a title because you are so multi-dimensional, I don't know what tagline to put on you, I do, okay and I say that as a compliment. You have this book that you're working on that will be out in January, that you're going to tell us about you, you do speaking engagements, you've got your website up to create an online community for resources and that for women, you still have your sales job that brings it in the food on a daily basis, so it's like you're everywhere across the board here.
Joy: Well, thank you, I appreciate that. It's been a long time coming, but you know, the book will be out in January, the website's there so that people can pre-order and subscribe to the website and pre-order the book and it is really exciting for me because I have always wanted to help this group of women, this sort of niche of women that are really my age and out there and I just feel so empowered, and that's what I want to pass on to them, and so I'm really excited about being everywhere, and I hope that I'm more and more everywhere because I really want this to reach many, many women. And that was what you and I talked about a few minutes ago, is that although I love life coaching and I love the help that we do to ours, for our clients to really grow and live big and that's why that's in my mission statement is to, I want women to live big lives, it's just that I want to reach more women than I can in a one-to-one coaching situation. So, to your point speaking engagements and I plan, I'm planning on putting together some workshops, and groups that we can develop stronger community bonds that we help each other, and we empower each other.
Doug: And we're gonna come back and talk more about that, but you know one of the things that kind of fascinated me, well, a couple of things fascinating. One, when I first met you, your passion for this new venture. You know some people start a business because it's a way to make money, of course, everybody has a business and hopes it makes money, but many people don't have the passion for what they're doing, and you're, you're really driven by the passion first. Aren't you?
Joy: I really am. That's where this came from.
Doug: And, and this passion to serve this as you put it, this niche of women.
Joy: Yeah, it's, it's more than to serve, it's really to empower them, yeah, I think that as life coaching, we learned that our clients know inside them what they need, they know solutions, if they're exposed to the right information, they can come up with what's going to be best for them and that's what I feel is empowerment, right? We provide the resources and the support for them to be empowered, to do what's right for them and that's really where my passion is.
Doug: You know, there's a say, right I don't remember where I heard it, it was if oh, if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail and, and I'm that way about coaching, okay, I'm so involved in coaching that, every situation, I look at, oh, that's a great opportunity for coaching but I was really intrigued that even though, you're an accredited coach and even though, you're committed and love what coaching has taught you and the skills it offers you, it isn't just coaching that you want to do, that did I get that right?
Joy: I think that's true.
Doug: It's sort of a, it's a language to use, but it isn't the end being by itself.
Joy: Absolutely, I think that coaching you know, is a one-on-one, we're working with our clients, and I definitely want that connection with people, but I think of it as almost serving a group or creating a movement. I'm still, as I told you, this is a new venture for me and the mission and the vision is all coming together. I think I shared with you a few moments ago an analogy, that I really like, and if you don't mind, yeah, but I had heard back and, and I guess I do want to credit this too, I heard it on the secret which is, you know, a book initially that came out a few years ago, and one of the speakers use this analogy, and said that life is like driving a car at dawn, in the dark and you have your headlights on and your headlights will only show you about a hundred feet in front of you and so you can see that a hundred feet and you can know that that's clear but you don't see a hundred feet after that or the hundred feet after that, so life is like, and this vision in this creation that I'm in right now is I'm in this first hundred feet, and I have to trust that as I get though that hundred feet, the next hundred feet will show up and be okay and that this vision will keep building and women will keep getting what they need and be more and more empowered and by doing that I really feel that this can be such a positive influence on the world in general because women have so much to give and there's so much more power that we have now. If we are empowered to use it correctly and if women are happy we can just do so much for the world, to bring positivity and I think, it's just; there's a huge place for this.
Doug: You know, one of the things that I wanted to ask you, here is that you obviously went through some challenging times as you went through this transition yourself which is why you want to help other people. What was it, what was your guiding principle that really you held on to that sort of kept your head screwed on straight and kept your going?
Joy: That's a great question, and actually, I have a few. I actually have guiding principles that I wrote for our family that are on the refrigerator today, I even have guiding principles, and I believe that they help you make decisions like you mentioned, as you go through life. I have a few, and one of them that my daughter's now repeats to me which I'm very proud about that is you do what's right now what's necessarily easy. And so there's a lot of things in life where you have to make a choice and is that, to tell the truth versus lying, is that to you know, help someone in need to stop and do something that's right when you're in a rush, there are things that we need as a guiding principle, and you do what's right, not what's easy. There's also, you know, I'm a big believer in honesty and just helping others so there are guiding principles for me I'd like to be able to look in the mirror at the end of the day and know that even if I made mistakes that I did the things for the right reasons and that I sleep very well at night. Which I know a lot of people nowadays have issues sleeping, but if you can tell the truth and have your integrity around you then you're going to help others more, and I think that's important.
Doug: Well, and you know, you touched on another thing that's really been fascinated me recently, I've been doing some reading about mind-fullness and fixed mindsets and it talks about the fact that, that we are our culture, sort of forces us into situations to avoid making mistakes and yet the people who are able to make mistakes and learn from them are really almost always the happiest because they don't carry it as a burden, they look at it as oh, I made a mistake, look what I learned here, so to go forward.
Joy: Yeah, I read a lot of books and all two on that you know, and, and I mean, you look at Elon Musk and all these Bill Gates, and everyone and they took risks, they weren't afraid to fail, and you know, I had a life coach that once told me, you know, go for imperfect action, give yourself the ability to fail.
Doug: I love it, so okay, so if we fast-forward what's your life going to look like a few years down the road, what is it you're going to build, what's, what's the idea? Because you shared with me and I'll tell you, I've heard, you've heard the term of BHAG, you know, Big Hairy Audacious Goal, I think, it's yeah, but anyhow. Your goal is big.
Joy: It is, you know, I do have this vision, and I think, it's the passion behind it that's really driving it, and the vision is getting broader and broader as I complete things. You know, I wanted to life coach and to help clients, and then it was well, I need to write this book because I need to help more women and then I need to buy, I need to build the website so that I can bring all these resources together to give them a simple place to go to. So then that website reached out to more women and really overall I mean as I mentioned to you, I mean I would love to bring together resources for women and do workshops around the world, I would love to create a community for women online, and offline that allows women to feel more empowered and I don't know exactly what that will look like in the next few years but that's where I'm headed, and my headlights will keep moving and keep clearing that space for me, so...
Doug: You know, one thing Joy shared with me before we went on air and, she said it was okay for me to mention it is her website just went live yesterday. She sent me an e-mail "I got my website up now!". You know, yeah because I kept saying "how are people going to find you? I'll get the website up!" and, but what I wanted to share was you said, you already had, how many subscribers in one day?
Joy: I have forty.
Doug: Forty is a great start in one day. To already have forty subscribers on your website. To your, to your site, to your blog.
Joy: Thank you, thank you very much. Yeah and considering that I didn't have any blog posts until yesterday, either, right? I mean I really didn't start out as a writer, and it's really like I said, it's just that I want to get this message out and I want to help as many people and in the way that we do that nowadays is to write and communicate and to be online and provide those resources so that is a part of it, and I will do what it takes to get the word out and to help.
Doug: See, and besides, the mission, besides the purpose, that you have in your business, one of the things that fascinate me as a business person is the entrepreneurial skills that you put to use. I mean there's people listening out there that have been working on their websites for years and years, and they're not up yet, you know, and you've created yours in a matter of weeks. There are people that have been talking, I'm guilty for years about doing a book, and you started a couple of months ago, it's gonna be done in a couple of months, you know. I mean and we could go on and on with the issues that you have tackled that many of us look at and go oh this is going to be so hard, it's going to take so long, and you set these ridiculous deadlines and got them done.
Joy: Thank you, yeah. You know I'm very proud of that because it's every single day that I wake up, and I tell my kids, you know I feel like I don't really know what I'm doing but I'm doing it and I do too imperfect action and making a difference because it's the action that's so important, right and I've also been very blessed and very, very fortunate that when I wanted to find someone to help me with my website, I did, and her name is Ann Neen, and she's actually in Hungary, and I found her and she's multi-talented and really was able to spend time with me and my direction and her advice to build this website very quickly was a complete blessing. I'm very happy to have found a partner in her.
Doug: And I could share stories with you. I won't name names of business, sophisticated well, financed businesses that have talked about going offshore for help and are still talking about it many, many months later so... Well, look, I want to get into your book and some of this, the details there let's take a commercial break first and then we'll be right back.
Doug: And we're back with Joy Casillas, and she's telling us about her new venture that she's starting and it is so exciting. But let's focus a little bit. Tell us about your book that, thank you very much, you sent me a table of contents and a sort of sample and thank you, so let's share that with our audience.
Joy: Sure, so as you and I have talked about, it really stemmed from as I started to do my life coaching and focusing on working with women clients I started realizing that there was a lot of information that I really wanted to provide to women, so I started to write the book, and the book then became the website. But the book has a lot of information on bringing resources and content to women that are some of it is really, information only women in that space would understand coming out of a relationship for many years and talking about, like how things have changed in the dating scene and how grooming has changed and what we need to know about finances and as I mentioned to you, one of my biggest struggles was how do I buy a car by myself. It was such a stressful time for me because I really didn't know how to know if the car was in good shape or if they were, you know, giving me a good deal or what the situation was and so there's a lot of information out there. The book talks about, you know, how to help make yourself happy, how to, you know, bring that happiness though mindset change, through exercises, through activities, it talks about, you know, ways to find things that are going to be making you passionate. How to go out and meet new people. How to engage in new activities, how do you even think about what it is now, that you want your life to look like right, and what do you want to engage in. What did you enjoy 20 years ago that you haven't done in a long time and do you want to try that again, do you want to get back to it? It brings that all to the front of the mind to allow that woman to explore. What does she want her life to look like and then it also takes it through things like with finances and legal trust, like living trust. Because if you've, if you've gone through a divorce, typically have worked hard to come to an agreement with whoever you're splitting from and you want to make sure that all that is now protected so and if you have children, you need to take that into consideration. So, there are things around changing your beneficiaries, there's just guidance there on things that women need to understand and think about that they may not know until they get into that situation and I'd rather have them be empowered to know going into the situation. So, things like that in a lot of online dating and what society is like now and just fitness and health and diet.
Doug: So, if I've arrived from Mars this is my how to live in this century kind of manual.
Joy: It's, it's a guidebook, that's exactly what it's called. The Newly Single Woman guidebook, and it's really to stay happy, healthy and safe, and what they nee